I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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