he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
