It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
