I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
