There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I understand Curling. That high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
