Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
