We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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