how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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