I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
