Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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