I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
