I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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