Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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