I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
