this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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