Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
