im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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