yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
