Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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