my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
