she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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