Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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