No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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