I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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