I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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