The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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