Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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