How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and she was petting her beer can
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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