I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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