So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
