did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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