Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
