I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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