the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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