Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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