I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
