I wannas sexs uuuuu
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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