a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
