She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
