Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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