Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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