I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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