Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
