He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
