Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
