Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a search helicopter?!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
