i think my mom watched the whole time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
