I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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