If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
