whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She said her name was "party"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
